Guest post written by Lillian Brown, who performs as Cassandra in Vanya & Sonia & Masha & Spike
Coming in to LTR I didn’t really know what to expect. On the first day of rehearsal I remember being so intimidated by everyone. I felt like I was in a room with so many incredible people and that David, our director, had clearly made a mistake. I didn’t think I belonged there. I didn’t fit in. I had a lot of insecurity and self-doubt in the beginning-especially because I was working with my professors who are highly skilled Equity professionals. I didn’t know what to do or where to begin. Let’s just say it was a very stressful start.
But as we dove deeper into the rehearsal process, I began to realize that my professors, whom I had idolized, whom I had placed so high on a pedestal, had the exact same fears as me. I realized we were all dealing with the same issues like memorizing lines, finding motivation for a scene, and trying to stay true to our characters and script. I realized we were all fighting for the same goal. We were just trying to tell a story. And when I realized that, all of my fears and self-doubt suddenly dissolved. It wasn’t about me trying to be a good actor anymore. It wasn’t about me trying to prove myself. It was about me trying to be a part of an ensemble. It was about me finding the hole where I did fit in and embracing it.